i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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