The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
