We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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