Whod you bang
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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