WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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