It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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