i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
