if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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