I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
