i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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