Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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