This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
