When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
