Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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