please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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