Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
