what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
