im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
