The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
