I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
