i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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