So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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