somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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