I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
