I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
