Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
