I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
