You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
