Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
