If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
