Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
