im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
