i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
