can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
