My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Still dying that you shit outside
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
