YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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