if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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