i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
