I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
