please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
