these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
