Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
