You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
