I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
