Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
