True but thats because hes a fetus.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
