I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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