i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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