new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
