i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
