Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
